That Word Again

Back to that word... love.

Talking to a girl today [she knows who she is], about love. Well it was more or less me listening to her go on. As much as I love her, Id like to  be able to actually spill my guts for once. Some people allow me to throw my 2 cents in, but when it comes down to it, Im just sitting back being their crying shoulder. And dont get me wrong. I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world.. I just want someone who knows when Im having a bad day and will allow me to vent. -Sigh-.. ok so yeah. "He told me he loves me and I couldnt help but think, you arent allowed to say that". I agree. After you've broken up with someone, you shouldnt keep saying I love you.. whether you mean it or not. Because in most cases.. the other person is not over it, and will still linger on in hopes that they actually do love you. Love is a strong word. Said to many people, many different ways. You can love in different ways. When I say I love you.. its different to each and every person I say it to. It cant be taken lightly. 

So this is where my thing comes in, after him and I broke up he kept saying "I love you" and Id say "No you dont" and he would deny it and say he did and how much he wished there was a way he could prove it to me. The whole time Im thinking "If you love me so much, why did you break up with me.. and if you want to prove it, take me back". I told myself over and over that he wasnt lying when he told me he loved me. I didnt care if he lied about anything else.. he did not lie to me when he said he loved me. I am beginning to see flaws. I look at other peoples relationships.. their 'love'.. I even look at Jordan and I's.. thats love. Maybe not in the same sence.. but its still there. He never loved me.. the signs were all there, I was just to stupid to see. So finally after all this time. I am able to see that.. he infact did lie to me. Breaks my heart even more.. but at least I know the truth. Makes me mad,, at him, at me, at others. Myself because I let myself get tangled up in him, unable to move past him and his lies. Him for knowing just where to stab me. And others, for doing the same to the ones they claim they love. Whatever.. Love is lost to me...

 Ughhh